SOS, SAS
by WingsOutSpread
Summary: SCORPIA have targeted Alex's school, so MI6 came up with an idea to keep them all safe. Send a load of SAS men to teach and protect them. Blunt has lost it, but how will Alex keep it all together? Rated T for safety. Slight Snake/Fox
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider TT

**irish-hailsy **is co-writer of this, so go spam her e-mail account if you don't like it. Please give her credit for this, who not only helped me write this, but also gave me ideas that have actually happened to her. The Home Ec. class and the phone incident is based on her life. Yes, she is strange.

* * *

Alex just sat there, staring at Blunt, hoping that he had gone mad. Blunt had had some pretty bad ideas, but this took the biscuit.

It was a warm Sunday afternoon, and Christmas break was coming up in a month or two. The last thing he needed was to be here, of all places.

"Sorry," he apologised, "but I think I heard you wrong. The SAS. In my school?"

"Yes, Alex," he confirmed, looking dead serious as he always did. Alex had a theory that, after an operation that went wrong, he was unable to show any positive emotions. Or maybe it was just botox.

"_Teaching _in my school?"

"Yes, Alex."

"Why?"

Blunt sighed, "I'm sure you remember SCORPIA. From some reliable sources we've been told that they are planning to attack your school. We don't know how yet, so the best way to protect the children is with the SAS."

"Why don't you just pull me out?" Alex asked, "Then they'll just focus on me."

"They aren't focused on just you anymore; they want the whole school to suffer whatever it is they're planning."

Alex groaned; he knew he had no say in this. Someone up there seriously hated him.

"Isn't there anyway else to protect them?" He begged.

"No Alex," Blunt replied, glancing at Mrs. Jones who was sucking a peppermint yet again in the corner.

"Well...Jones suggested sending them to the SAS camp," Blunt started, but was cut off harshly by Alex;

"DEAR LORD NO!!" He screamed, clutching the armrests of his chair tightly, before forcing himself relax, trying to stop his urge to scream even more.

"Fine, let the SAS men come to us, just don't send them all _there_!"

Alex hurried out the room -muttering how the country was doomed and being protected by mad men- needing to warn Tom about this. When the door shut, Blunt smirked (there goes Alex's theory) at Jones,

"I told you he wouldn't like your idea. Do you remember their reaction to just one child? They would kill us if we sent a whole load to them"

She sighed, "Have you never heard that "by giving a man a fish, he can feed for a day, teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime"?"

"Mrs. Jones, by teaching them how to fight properly, we'll have a mini army of teenagers against us. Our reputation is bad enough when that MI6 agent left his laptop in the taxi and top secret files on the train when we told him he's fired. Let's not make it even worse."

_Monday morning, 9:05_

Alex had warned Tom what was being planned last night. Tom then went on, way too excited about SAS men teaching them, about how school will be a whole load more interesting. He had tried to explain why it wasn't a good idea, but Tom didn't listen, just went on about cool school will be now and how amazing and how great and how fun and how interesting and how great and...well, he said a lot of stuff like that. It made Alex wonder if his friend had read a thesaurus lately. He must have had to come up for so many words.

When the bell went, everyone was ordered into the assembly hall, which swiftly switched on the school gossipers, who quickly sprouted rumours of what was happening. It really was quite amazing with what they could come with in five minutes.

One boy yelled over to him, "Hey Alex! I bet they're going to warn us to stay away from your gang! Or maybe they're going to expel you and you're gang friends! Hey, Alex!"

Alex sighed, bored of this overly-used rumour, replied, "Nah, they're going to tell us to stay away from my place! You know, 'cause I'm so dangerous and stuff!"

Tom, who he was beside, laughed loudly at that, making the boy blush heavily before returning to his friends.

They all filed in, sitting in their respective places, and all gawking at one at the large men lining all four wall of the hall. It didn't help that they were all wearing the full uniform and had guns slung around their back.

"Excuse me," their headmaster said, tapping the microphone and looking extremely nervous with the fact that a least a dozen armed men were behind him, "attention!" he ordered. The hall fell silent except for the sound of texts being written and then sent across the room quickly, they were smart enough to keep their phones on silent though, so various songs didn't start playing randomly Apart from one girl's phone who started blaring out a song along the lines 'It's not stalking if it's Love' (Ask **irish-hailsy **if you want to know where this song came from, because I don't have clue where she got it). The girl in question blushed, before flinging her phone behind her, hitting some poor first year in the head.

"I'm sure you've all noticed the men from the army are here." He started, "they will be teaching, and thus protecting, you all from an unknown threat for the next month or so. Please, treat them with the same respect as you would give your teachers." Here several of the said men rolled their eyes. They knew that teachers weren't respected, but having a gun certainly did help in the "respect" department.

Alex felt like hitting his head of the wall when everyone started to chat _excitedly _about this. The sound of texts being written was louder than ever, the gossipers acting like Christmas came early as they hurriedly tried to come up with who the threat was.

Though, thankfully, they all quietened down when one of them walked up to the podium the headmaster just vacated, a glint in his eye that said _"talk and you'll regret it for the rest of your life"._ It didn't help that he was trying to smile in a friendly way at the same time. Actually, it looked like he was constipated.

Even the sound of pressing buttons on phones stopped when he opened his mouth to speak, in this school that was respect.

"We're going to be in control of your school until this threat," he grimaced at the word, sadly banned from saying it was SCORPIAthat was the threat, "is destroyed. You will do whatever we say, or you'll be kept in detention for the rest of your miserable stay here."

The headmaster, practically sweating from nerves, leaned forward and whispered something in his ear.

"Okaaay," he continued, "you'll get detention for as long as we're in charge." He corrected.

"Now, because of some lazy arses," here a couple of the men standing behind him growled warningly, one yelling, "watch it, Lizard!"

"You will all be doing all the classes." He continued, ignoring the interruption, "except for sixth form and higher level GCSE's. The time tables will be posted on a board somewhere in this fine institution of education,' a glint in his eye made it seem as if he were preparing to destroy that fact, 'and we'll shall be teaching starting," here he stopped, and looked at his friend behind him, who whispered something to him, "now." He finished.

Everyone started whispering hurriedly, trying to figure out where the timetables were. The teachers looked extremely happy at this, and all but ran out of the room to go on there all-paid-for, who-knows-how-long, holiday.

"The timetables are posted outside my office," the headmaster said into the microphone, not wanting a treasure hunt to start with 300+ students, "Higher GCSE's and sixth form stay here to be given their tables."

Alex, sighing, hurried out of the assembly, Tom by his side. The headmaster's office was just down the hallway, so it took around half hour for everyone to be given there tables. Then another half hour of people screaming, gasping in shock, and a lot of groaning from those who had classes they had given up for a reason next.

Alex was one of them. His next class was home economics. Something which the teen spy never was destined to do, whilst shooting and running for his life were in his genes, fairy cakes certainly weren't.

They all settled on the stools, facing three SAS men who all looked awkward at the prospect of cooking.

"All right, everyone has a seat?" One of them asked. A chorus of mumbled yeses came back in reply.

Alex, sitting by Tom and at the very back, was trying to not laugh at them, especially the one he recognised.

"I'm Bear, and this is Ox and Eagle." One of them started. Bear was muscled, brown haired, and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Cooking.

Ox had a slightly smaller frame than Bear, his blond hair wavy and blue eyes focused on the knife he was messing with in his hands.

Eagle looked, well, the same as always. He also looked like the only one interested in this, and that was only because he wanted to eat cookies, which they would be baking.

"Ermm, in your books there's a recipe for cookies, so get that out and get started," Bear ordered, "try to not ask us anything unless your dieing or something."

A girl with long brown hair raised her arm,

"What?" Bear asked, looking like he was trying to be nice, but failing miserably from lack of practise.

"Sir, some of us don't have books." She stated, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers nervously.

"On the back counter there's a stack of them." He informed.

About half the class reluctantly got up to get a book, all mumbling how stupid this was.

Alex nudged Tom in the ribs, "You see that guy over there, with the light brown hair?"

"Yeah...," Tom replied, staring at Eagle who was trying to read the Home Ec. book, with a pained look of concentration on his face as he tried to unearth the ancient art of reading such rubbish.

"I trained in his unit," Alex said, smirking.

"Wicked," Tom breathed, "do you talk to him?"

Alex snorted, "As if. Anyways, he's not meant to know me here. So don't try and call him over here or anything."

"Yeah yeah," Tom replied, flicking the book open, "now, you get the ingredients, I'll get the utensils."

Alex peered into the book, ignoring the doodles a bored kid drew of cookie monsters.

Five minutes later, and half class were busying around with asking the other half what they had to do next. The SAS men had decided to try and help them after realising that the class may burn the school down, which they did not want.

Alex and Tom were mixing eggs into the flour, the mixture like clay.

"Ewww," Eagle said, staring into it, "that doesn't look right."

"Ya think," Alex muttered, dropping the wooden spoon, "any ideas, Eagle?"

"Add another egg," he ordered, "It definitely needs more eggs."

"Sir, the book said only two." Tom informed, peering into the book to make sure.

"Don't call me sir, whatsyourname. And just add an egg."

Alex cracked another one and poured it on, Tom stirred it. Eagle watched over them, examining the mixture that was turning runny.

"Too much egg," Eagle noted, "can you take it out?"

"No, Eagle," Alex replied, staring at the mixture.

"Erm," Eagle said, wondering how to fix it, "why did you add another egg?" He asked, faking a shocked look as he tried to pass the blame.

"You told us to," Tom said slowly.

"Why'd you listen to me? Do I look like a Home Ec. teacher? Don't answer that, Adam." He warned when Alex smirked and opened his mouth at the "teacher" comment.

"I'm Alex," he corrected, innocence plastered on his face.

"Take the egg out," Eagle finished with, strolling away to ruin another batch.

Alex sighed before adding chocolate chips, blatantly ignoring the required amount and poured the whole bag in.

Tom, smirking, pick up the bag of white chocolate chips beside him, "what about these?"

"Pour them in, they might make up for the amount of egg."

Alex stared at the mixture, with the uncanny resemblance to diarrhoea.

"You know what it needs?" Alex asked, glancing over at Tom.

"What?"

"Colour. Lots of artificial colour." He replied, rummaging through his bag, "and I have just the thing!"

He held up a long tube of smarties, grinning.

"Go on," Tom urged.

Alex tore the top of the tube off, pouring the multi-coloured goodness into the mixture.

The pair stared at the multi-coloured diarrhoea steadily for a minute, before Tom declared he would be back in a second.

Five minutes later, Tom arrived back into the kitchens armed with 5 tubes of smarties.

"Where'd you get them from?" Alex asked, grinning.

"Canteen had some going spare. Still made me pay though," Tom pouted at the last sentence.

"Don't pout Tom. You're almost 6ft. It makes you look like…Eagle," Alex replied, shuddering and pouring the rest of the smarties into the now bright and hyperactivity-inducing dough.

Eagle paused to stare at it,

"You have the same breakfast cereal as me then," he commented before walking away, grinning.

"Was he serious?" Tom laughed, looking at the half-smartie half-cookie mixture.

"I have no idea," Alex said truthfully, picking up the spoon to mix it.

They carried on, the class full of laughter and "helpful" comments from the teachers.

When they finally finished mixing, they went to find the proper baking tray. Sadly, there seemed to be no trays.

"Ox?" Alex asked the passing man, "where's the baking trays?"

Looking floundered, he yelled across the room to Bear, "where are the trays?"

Bear, also looking dumbfounded, yelled to the students, "Where's the trays?"

A boy yelled back, "in a cupboard!"

"Which cupboard?" Ox asked.

"No idea, try looking," he shrugged, before returning to his concoction, which also had more chocolate chips than actual dough.

Ox looked round the room, before assigning the class to certain parts of the room, Bear and Eagle were assigned to check the front of the room.

"I found these!" a girl yelled, holding up cake tins and heart shaped trays.

"They'll do," Bear confirmed; slamming the door of the cupboard he was rummaging through.

Alex rushed up along with everyone else, trying to not get a heart tray.

Sadly, he didn't get there in time and ended up with a heart one. Cursing in foreign words, he went back to Tom, who was picking the mixture off the spoon and eating it.

"Awww," he said when he spotted the tray, "I never knew you felt that way about me!"

Alex whacked him across the head with it, "Dumbass, this was the only one I could get."

Eagle had decided to reappear when they were spooning in the mixture,

"you better save me some," he ordered, snatching the dough/smartie/chocolate covered spoon, "and I'll have this!"

He then went back to walking round the class, licking the mixture of the spoon as he did so.

"That was mine," Tom huffed grabbing another spoon to use.

"You can still have bowl, Tom" Alex assured, getting bored with trying to get the dough into neat, separate circles.

"I was enjoying it," he moaned, watching Alex at work, "why don't you just dump it all in? We'll make them into circles once it's baked."

Shrugging, Alex tipped the bowl over, allowing it to fill the tray, "whatever."

It was half hour later; the whole class watching their cookies slowly bake. The three teachers were sitting on the desk talking about what suspiciously sounded like the difference between war tactics and teaching tactics.

Some kids screamed with delight –and perhaps one or two screamed in shock- when their timer beeped, pulling out their cookies from the oven as fast as they could.

The SAS men sighed and went back to helping them with separating their cookies. But it turned out that would be harder than it sounded.

The ones who had cake tins had made –well- made cakes with cookie dough. The ones who were left to suffer with heart shaped trays had one extra large cookie. In the shape of a heart.

Alex and Tom eased theirs out onto the wire tray, it falling out with metre-long greaseproof paper hanging off it. They cut the paper off before deciding how they would separate it.

After a lengthy discussion, Tom had came up with the idea to hack it up with a knife.

Alex had done so with much enthusiasm, pretending it was Blunt's face, and in a couple of seconds they had odd shaped cookies. Or smarties and chocolate chips stuck together with a little dough, really.

Eagle wondered over to them when he saw they were done

"Well done!" He praised, "I better try them, in case they're poisoned or something."

Grabbing a handful before they could refuse, he walked quickly away, enjoying the taste of artificial flavourings, sugar and chocolate.

Tom groaned again, but didn't say anything as he picked his up and started to eat them, blatantly ignoring the piping hot heat coming from them.

Alex, grinning, went of to wash the trays, cookie in hand. No one else was at the sink, so he was able to quickly wash and dry them while eating at the same time.

When he was done, he scanned the room for wherever the trays came from, before mentally shrugging and heading to the head of room to shove them into the first cupboard he opened. Eagle was sitting on the desk, watching Alex open the cupboard, and then instantly freeze.

Frowning, Eagle got up and looked into the said cupboard, then slowly turned round to the class.

"WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF LOOKING IN THIS AREA?" He roared; pulling the door wide open to reveal stacks and stacks of baking trays.

"YOU WERE!" The class roared back, laughing, high on sugar.

Ox, nearest to Eagle, went up to him and swiftly cuffed him round the head,

"IDIOT!" He roared, looking very annoyed.

The door to the classroom opened to reveal four SAS men with guns looking panicked.

"They here?" One of them asked, slowly walking into the room, looking round for SCORPIA.

"No, false alarm. We have Eagle in here teaching." Bear replied.

The four relaxed as soon as Eagle was mentioned, "ah." Was all that was said before they went back to their classrooms.

"Hey!" Eagle said, annoyed with the reaction to his name. But everyone ignored him, carrying on with the..cooking.

* * *

Please review! And also please PM me or **irish-hailsy** if you have any stories about your odd classes and mishaps, THANK-YOU!!


	2. Murder In The Maths Room!

I do not own Alex Rider, I do own the Ferret and Owl though.

* * *

Alex ran into his class quickly, the bell ringing as he dived into the seat. He sighed in relief that the subs-whoever they were- weren't there yet. Glancing at Tom beside him, he noticed that his head was lolling onto the table, eyes shut.

The door opened, and Alex kicked him sharply, earning a harsh kick back as Tom woke.

"What?" Tom asked, then turned to the two men at the front, "oh".

"All right," the brown haired greeted, "I'm Snake, this is Fox. We're going to be your English teachers for now."

"Sadly," Fox muttered under his breath, grabbing the teacher's chair and shoved it into the corner, sitting in it.

Ignoring the irritated Fox, Snake continued, "You were studying 'Romeo and Juliet" before we came, weren't you?"

"Druggie wasn't!" Whispered a blonde haired girl, looking at Alex. Her friend bust into a fit of giggles, making Alex turn an unwillingly shade of red.

"What was that?" Fox asked, staring the two, looking interested in school gossip for some unearthly reason.

"Nothing!" They chorused back, still laughing.

"No, go on, what did you say?" Fox urged, still looking interested. Alex turned a deeper shade of red and decided that his shoes were extremely interesting.

"Well," the blonde started, sparing a smug look at Alex, "Alex, over there, doesn't come into school. _We _all think he's in a gang."

Snake, not looking very impressed, replied, "He's right there though, meaning he _does _come into school," he pointed to Alex, who was now wishing for SCORPIA to come and distract everyone.

"Erm," butted in Fox, "Why don't you just ask him?"

"Alex?" Snake asked, looking like he wasn't interested in his answer.

"I get sick, sir, that's why I'm always out." Alex offered, now an unnatural shade of red.

"There you go. Detention for the rest of the month for stupid, air headed, rumours." Snake stated smugly, picking up the copy of "Romeo and Juliet" on the desk.

"Sir!" The two girls cried, outraged.

Fox snorted, "You got on the bad side of Snake _already_! Wolf owes me a fiver!"

"What?" Snake asked, confused.

"I had a bet with Wolf that someone will get on your bad side in the first class. I win!"

Snake sighed, "Christ, Fox. You're as bad as Eagle!"

"Am not."

"Are too. _Any_ways," Snake hurried before Fox could reply, "back to 'Romeo and Juliet'."

Fox, huffing, said, "Just teenage stupidity in a book, if you ask me."

"How did you figure that out?"

"A thirteen year old declares love for Romeo, who no one actually knows how old he is, and they get married. They then kill themselves. Romeo first thought Juliet was dead, but was actually in a coma, and died. Juliet wakes, sees his dead body, and dies at last. And probably some awfully tragic crap in between. Hello? How is that _not _stupid?"

Snake huffed, "You know nothing about love, do you?"

"Thank God No! Why do you think I'm single? Geez, my lack of tact hardly had women falling head over heels, y'know?" When Fox said this, he immediately regretted it as most girls perked up from texting each other.

"Why don't you all read while we're here?" Fox hastily added, rummaging through the bookcase for books. Snake tried to not laugh.

"Erm, there's this," he held up a book titled 'The Recruitment', "or this," he held up another book called 'Twilight'.

"What the hell?" Some boy at the back yelled, a girl near the front sighed and stated, "Twilight is about a shiny vampire who falls in love with some girl. He's emo, she's weird. CHERUB is about teen spies running round the place swearing and solving missions."

Alex decided that his shoes were, once again, extremely interesting. He wasn't sure if he was just being paranoid, but he was quite sure Fox and Snake were smothering grins. He was nearly right; they were smothering laughs.

"Does anyone die?" The boy yelled out again. Another girl, with bushy hair, headphones round her neck and an atmosphere of someone who would laugh at anything, laughed and yelled back, "In Twilight the dude goes mental, kills the girl, and then goes on a killing spree. Rather gruesome if you ask me."

The boy grinned at that, "I'll read it then!"

The girls who had read it (i.e those who weren't daydreaming about them and just-found-out-to-be-available Fox getting married) laughed, agreeing with the weird girl that the book was _extremely _gruesome, full of blood.

Alex whispered over to Tom, "Any idea what Twilight really is about?"

"It's a romantic novel; I overheard some girls chatting about it."

"Thanks," he whispered back, turning round to see Fox flicking through the book frowning, as though trying to see where the 'Killing Spree' was. Snake grabbed another book and swatted it round his head, earning a look of death.

"All right everyone, come up and pick a book." Snake ordered, ignoring the red head's glare.

Alex was one of the very few who picked "CHERUB", and as he picked one up, Fox let out an enormous snort as he tried to contain laughter. The children gave him an odd look, as Fox was fit to kill just a second ago.

"Redheads." Snake sighed, walking to the other side of the room, away from Fox, and earned himself another angry glare.

They all walked slowly into maths class, the boys flicking through "Twilight" for the killings. Surprisingly, they hadn't found it yet.

There were two SAS men sitting on the teacher's desk (the chair had been missing for a while), frowning at the maths book in his hands. When they all settled, the men looked up nervously.

"I'm Owl," the black haired, blue eyed man introduced, "and this is Ferret," he indicated to the taller of the two, who had blonde hair green eyes.

"And we're your math teachers for now, so take out your books."

A shuffle of bags, yells of 'give me my book back you jerk!' filled the otherwise silent room. Five minutes later, when they all had there books open on the page they had last time, the teaching began. Albeit slowly.

"Sooo…" Ferret started, swinging on his feet back and forth as he tried to read the maths, "Algebra? Let's get started!"

"Sir," someone near the back whined, "why do we need to learn _algebra_? We'll never use it!"

"Of you'll use it!" Owl said in an attempted but failed cheerful voice as he tried to promote the art of maths, "like. . .erm. . .Ferret?" He asked, coming up blank.

"Well. . ." Ferret started of slowly, "If a mad man came up to you with a gun and said 'I'll kill you if you can't solve this maths sum', you'll be screwed if you didn't know algebra!"

"Exactly!" Owl cheered, looking at them all with a look of happiness. Alex was certain he wasn't "all there" After all, who could enjoy _maths_?

"Sir," someone whined again, but was cut of by a hasty Ferret;

"Anyways, onto some sums!"

The class groaned yet again, but looked down at their books anyways.

"Erm," started Owl, "Is A B, equal sign ,C D?"

"Yeah," someone, near the front this time, yelled out after a silence of five minutes had filled the room. The two men just nodded their head, not sure whether it was right or not.

But the kids didn't need to know that.

"Find the slope of A, bracket, two four, bracket, and B, bracket, five six, bracket."

"Ten, sir!" Tom yelled out, useless at maths and proud of that fact.

"Okaaay," Ferret said, unsure, "what about A B, two lines together, B C?"

The class just sat there, a dumb expression on all of their faces as they tried to figure out what the hell the question was, for a while, until sounds could be heard outside in the corridor.

It was the sound of screaming escalating- as though it was travelling up the corridor to them- filled the background. Owl just ignored it while Ferret, bored of teaching already, stared at the door intently.

He was not displeased; Eagle burst into the room, panting heavily as though he ran straight-out all around the school, grinning sheepishly. The sound of footsteps could be heard and Ferret, looking out of the doorway, yelped and slammed the door shut just a shadow of a figure could be seen.

A loud thump as body hit wood could be heard from the other side.

Eagle collapsed onto the floor, wheezing for breathe as he started to laugh.

"Oh shhh-uger!" Ferret half swore, realising the presence of students just in time.

Owl smirked, "you've done it now, Ferret!"

"Oh shut up." Ferret replied, staring at the door as groaning started to be heard.

The door opened, and stood there was a man Alex certainly didn't want to see anytime soon. But having a bloody nose from running into a door did balance things out slightly.

It was Wolf.

And he was most certainly pissed off.

"Now Wolf, don't do anything rash," Ferret started, slowly backing away, hands up in front of him. Eagle just lay unnoticed on the floor wheezing and clutching a stich in his side.

"I always did hate you, but that was bit, _rash_, as you put it," Wolf growled in a -well- wolfish way.

"There's kids watching! You can't kill me if they're watching!" Ferret attempted, clutching at straws.

"Class dismissed!" A rather too cheerful Owl announced, smiling as he watched.

The class tore out the room, nearly everyone had a phone out and alerting everyone what just happened.

Alex guessed it went along the lines of this;

_OMFG, SAS R KILIN EACH OTER ON MATHS, CUM QUICK!! LOL! DAT HOT GINGER IZ SINGLE AS WELL. GR8 INNIT? HE'S WELL HAWT! _

_LUV YA XXX_

More or less, he was correct.

* * *

THANK-YOU!! To all that commented, thank-you muchly We apologize for not replying to comments, and shall be trying to reply to all extremely soon.

I would like to mention **Scorpia710 **for her ideas for the next Home Ec class, **Lydia **for telling me how her class nearly burned down their school and **CunningMascara **for her various ideas!! Thankies! I shall try to put them all in, but I'm an awful writer when it comes to actually planning what's to be in what chapter TT. Sorry if you've told me your plots but there not mentioned, I'm awful with remembering comments as well TT.

Please send me in your class stories! They help me a lot!!

Some friends of mine are trying to come up with a band name, so could you PLEASE help them by checking out my poll? They welcome all new suggestions, and the more random and dumb it is, the better. THANK-YOU!! (And they also like Vampires quite a lot)

Irish-hailsy is the manager, lead guitarist and backing vocalist, so seeing as she started the band, she gets the final choice. And she would appreciate any tips on how to put a D string on an acoustic Spanish guitar.


	3. Music with freaks, attack on SAS men

Dedicated to **Laura**, my best friend and an inspiration with SAS codenames ;)

Don't own anything. . .yet.

Also, my other story is slow in being updated, as I seem to have writer's block T_T

You shall have to bear with me, especially with the amount of typos and spelling mistakes I must have lurking in this upate.

And yes, I have changed the name slightly. I didn't like the "teachers!" at the end much :P

* * *

It was break time, and Alex and Tom were outside the staffroom.

Alex had to tell whoever was teaching P.E. he couldn't attend, as he had been shot, thus not fit enough to attend. He even had MI6's note in his hand (stating that he had been shot, but to tell everyone it's because of athsma that he can't do PE) as he stood there, wishing he didn't have to go in.

Tom was also there, as he didn't feel like walking by himself to the lockers, and also wanted to see K-Unit.

"Why don't you just knock for God's sake?" Tom whined as they stood there, the only entertainment was watching Alex slowly becoming more and more nervous.

"Let's just say we never got along well. Like Wolf and Ferret." Alex informed, wondering if he could get away with bunking off.

"I _know. _You've told me so many times I think I've lost count!"

"So more than twice, then." Alex commented half-heartedly, still thinking of the possibility of bunking. It wouldn't be the first time he had, after all.

"Hey!" Tom replied indignantly.

They stood there for a little while longer in bored silence mixed with tension, until Tom sighed and decided to 'help' his friend.

He leaned forward and banged heavily on the door, and then –wisely- ran down the corridor.

"Some friend you are!" Alex screamed after the fastly retreating form.

And the door opened to reveal a man severly pissed of at something.

Oh dear Lord.

***

_The Staff Room, breaktime_

The room was messy. The SAS men were sitting on every available surface, and guns lined the wall with the door "just in case". I can't really explain the condition of it much more, as that just about covered it. We could use overused phrases such as "it looked like a bomb had went off" or "you couldn't even see the floor", as they wouldn't actually be true. If a bomb _had _went off in there, food and discarded body pieces would paint the walls, and if you looked carefully you could make out the wood-panalled floor under all of the pizza boxes, cans of beer and Coke, and magazines that if I said what they were about, the rating of this story shall have to be upped. Again.

K-Unit had claimed the corner exactly oppposite the door, sitting on the countertops among discarded polysterine cups.

Smoke hung at the top of the room, the SAS disregarding the "No Smoking" sign in nearly every corridor.

And while Eagle made yet another joke about the subject Wolf had to teach, some one knocked –quite loudly- on the door.

The room instantly went quiet as Boar –a man with an extremely short amount of patience- opened it.

***

"Hi?" Alex greeted, giving the man a weird look. Seriously, all he had wanted him to do was to open a door, surely it wasn't _that _hard of a thing to do. But Alex was somewhat dubtful that this man saw it the same way, if his glare said anything.

"What do you want?" The man grunted, looking impatient with having to stand and talk to some one for more that five seconds.

"I have to give this note," Alex waved the docter's note in the air, "to whoever is teaching P.E.. I can't attend, you see."

"Give me that," the man snarled, snatching the note out of his hand.

Alex stood patiently as he scanned the note, paling slightly as he read the name of the patient. He looked up at him.

"_You're _Alex Rider?"

If possible, everyone went quieter. Which was quite an accomplishment for the usually rowdy bunch of SAS men.

***

Eagle was the one to break the suspension by squealing with delight and running to the door, barging pass Boar.

"Cub!" He greeted, garabbing him in a bear hug.

"Eagle," Alex choked out, trying to wiggle out of the man's grip.

"Alex?" Fox asked, staring in disbelief

"Me,' Alex replied bluntly, flushing slightly.

Eagle finally gave up on breaking Alex's spine, releasing him and letting the blonde stagger backwards a few steps.

"Come in!" Hissed Snake, looking suspiciously at a group of teenage girls coming down the corridor. They squealed as one at his glare –which did make him look like a Rottweiler that hadn't eaten in days- and ran down the corridor.

Fox sighed tiredly, "Stop scaring the kids, will you?"

"No." Was the one worded reply. Alex felt that there was a change in personalities between Fox and Snake, and it was Eagle that answered his questioning look.

"Fox drinks coffee during breaktime, Snake needs to smoke every ten minutes."  
"I do _not _need to smoke every ten minutes!" An outraged Snake cried.

"Yes you do." Wolf confirmed, handing Snake a lighter, who growled at him, batting it away.

"In case you don't remember, I'm _quitting_."  
"Of course you are." Wolf muttered, slipping his lighter back in his pocket, pretending to ignore Snake's predatory glare on it.

Snake turned back to Alex, sighing, and asked, "Was there something you hsd to give to your P.E. teacher?"

"Yeah." Alex held up the letter again, getting bored of having to wave it around so many times.

Wolf snatched it from his hand, read it, then raised an eyebrow at Alex.

"You can't do PE because you got shot in the heart?"

"Near the heart." Alex corrected simply.

"Christ, Cub! You've never heard of being 'normal' have you?" Eagle exclaimed, reading the letter over Wolf's shoulder.

Alex tilted his head slightly, "does 'normal' mean acting like every other child in this school? I've tried that once, but it was boring. I'd rather risk my life."

Fox coughed slightly at that, no one knowing what to say.

"So. ." Snake started, "who shot you?"  
"SCORPIA." He replied.

"Hang on," Eagle started, eyes wided and making a slight choking sound, "you mean the SCORPIA we're meant to be protecting you from? _That _SCORPIA?"

"No. The other SCORPIA." Alex sarcasticly replied, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"There's two?" Eagle squeaked, but was cut off by Snake whacking him over the head a bit harder than nessecary.

"It's called 'sacrasm', you idiot." Snake sighed, his hands unconciously forming into the shape they would if they held a cigarette.

"You didn't get shot while we were here, were you?" Wolf asked worriedly, taking on the look of someone caught sleeping on the job.

"Honestly." Alex sighed, "you've been here a day. How would I be shot, recovered, and then wondering round school in a day?"

Wolf held his hands up, "hey. Just checking."

***

The Australian lounged back in his chair, lusting in the taste his chocolates recently bought.

He liked sweet things. He also liked revenge, especially on a boy who had murdered his co-worker, Julia Rothman.

A muscular man dressed in black stood before him, wearing shades even though the only light in the room came from a light bulb overhead.

"It's about time you figured out what area Alex lives in! You have to go and find out what school he's in now! And hurry, or your pay will be severely reduced!"

The man in shades grunted and replied, "Sir, we're working as fast as we can,"

The Australian butted in, "well, it's not fast enough, is it? I want Alex dead before he's graduated, damn it!"  
"If you could stop threatening us every ten minutes, sir, we'll be able to work faster." The man in black pointed out.

He smiled, "but where's the fun in that?"

The man in black sighed. Why did he agree to work for this maniac? And Daniel Hunting of all people. _Everyone _knew he was lethal in torturing, killing, and engaging in conversation with.  
***

It was the end of the last class before lunch, and Alex couldn't help but sigh in relief.

He had had Maths and Home Economics again, but after lunch he could suffer through a Music class and then finally lounge around for a double P.E.

All in all, it was bearable in his mind.

Alex and Tom were in the cafeteria, crowded as it was with kids and 'teachers' alike.

Wolf was walking around, scowling at everyone, and Fox was sitting the corner of the room, blushing heavily at the girls staring at him and then giggling hysterically.

Alex couldn't help but notice that most of the female population were sitting at the tables nearest his, and each one was sneaking photos of him when he wasn't looking.

Alex and Tom had bet a fiver that a "Fox Fan Club" will be made tonight on MySpace. Tom was for, and Alex was against. Due to the security problems that may arise, and that should it even be made, it would be deleted.

There were also a couple of other SAS men wondering around along with Wolf, each attempting to look menacing despite the girls giggling and blushing when they walked past.

Four teens –two girls, two boys- stood holding posters at the cork board that claimed the left wall.

Wolf, looking annoyed at the four teens, walked over and asked in a threatening manner,

"I don't think it takes four people to put up posters, does it?"

Sadly, no one had warned Wolf who the brown haired girl was. And he was not informed of her temper that had been straining all day.

"OF COURSE IT TAKES FOUR!" She screamed, making random, wild arm gestures "WE NEED TO FIND PLACES TO PUT THEM AND THEN WE NEED TO PUT THEM UP AND WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THEY LOOK RIGHT AND WE WOULD GET REALLY, REALLY LONELY IF IT WASN'T ALL FOUR OF US HERE AND IT WOULD BE UNFAIR IF ONE OF US COULDN'T PUT THEM UP 'CAUSE WE ALL WORKED REALLY, REALLY HARD ON THEM!"

Wolf was slowly backing away from the crazy girl, a look of uncertainty on his face.

"DON'T WALK AWAY WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" She screeched, her face going red from lack of air due to her 'speech'.

"Sssh," her red-haired female friend said calmly, "think of happy thoughts. Think of Edward Cullen."

The girl shot the ginger a look of fury, giving Wolf a chance to run to the other side of the hall while she grinned slowly, relaxing slightly. "Edward. . ." Crazy Girl muttered, before blushing slightly when she saw the two boys staring at her with amused looks. She could blush quite spectacularly.

***

After that brief . . . disturbance the bell rang, stopping people from gossiping –and laughing- about Wolf and his unfortunate incident with the Brown-haired.

Even Alex had to laugh at that. He never knew Wolf could be caught so off guard. After all, what did he expect in a secondary school?  
But, sadly, he and Tom had to go to Music. It wasn't that he didn't like music and stuff, but in his last lesson in that area resulted in the teacher pointing out bluntly that he had no ear for music whatsoever and shouldn't even try.

The next day said teacher couldn't help but be shocked that her desk and all her documents on that said table were missing.

No one ever found it.

***

The teachers, named Badger and Hawk, started off the class by turning up ten minutes late, followed by them calling out the register and pronouncing half the names wrong as they tried to read the previous teacher's handwriting.

Once class finally started, Alex and Tom had to abandon their half-finished game of noughts and crosses.

"Well, erm, we don't really know that much about music, so, erm, if you have any ideas of what you do in this class?" Badger trailed of hopefully, running his hand nervously through his copper brown hair.

"We listen to classical music and stuff!" The girl with bushy brown hair from Alex's English class yelled out, sitting in the seat in front of him.

She still had her headphones round her neck.

The class groaned in union at this, some clutching their ears and silently begging for mercy.

Hawk sighed, looked up to the ceiling as though, for some odd reason, it could help him. Instead a small piece in the corner fell off.

"Alright!" Badger ordered sternly, "Shut up, will you? We'll play something else."  
He received looks of thanks from everyone as he slid in a random C.D. that read "Nasal Music" (1) instead of "Classical Music" as the others did.

A sound of God knows what filled the room. It sounded like the female –it was just a guess on Alex's part that the voice was female, you couldn't actually tell- was dying a most painful death while giving birth to triplets.

It was _awful. _It wasn't a sound that can easily explained to one whose never heard it before, but the reaction to this appalling music may help you understand what it sounded like.

Nearly everyone had bent low at their desks while clutching their ears, eyes scrunched up. The two men looked panicked, tapping the stereo as though they thought they broke it.

The girl in front of him yelled out over the dire music, "it's meant to sound like this, so will you bloody turn it off now!"

Hawk nodded at her, pulling the plug out the wall before it made them all deaf.

"Can we listen to classical next time?" Tom meekly asked, rubbing his ears. The rest of the class nodded fervently.

_So that's how the music teacher made them appreciate classical, _Alex thought, noting down that torture can be done legally.

Before the class could continue, though, the door at the back of the room crashed open, leaving the one and only Eagle to prance in.

"Never fear!" He yelled happily, "I am here!"

The rest of the class stared blankly back at him.

"Eagle," Hawk sighed, "What did you do now?"

Eagle crossed his arms defensively and replied, "It wasn't my fault! I mean, how was I to know that waving sharp knives around the room was not a good idea?"  
Badger and Hawk just stood there, staring wide-eyed, for a minute before Badger shock his head and ordered,

"Okay, Eagle, just. . .just sit over there."

He pointed to the piano with its stool in the far corner, which Eagle happily done.

Alex, grinning, turned back to face the front of the room.

He nearly fell off his chair as he came nose to nose with bushy-haired.

"Hello." She greeted, staring wide-eyed with, quite obviously, coloured contacts (a honey colour) at him. Well, they must be contacts, because Alex could have sworn her eyes had been green this morning, when she almost ran into him.

"Hi?" Alex replied, looking at Tom for reassurance that she won't kill him right there and then, but was replied with a shrug.

"You know Eagle, don't you? And Snake. And Fox." She accused.

Alex raised an eyebrow, acting like what she said was not true, although to be quite honest, he was having a minor panic attack.

"O woe is me!" He said dramatically, placing his hand on his forehead and leaning back in his chair, "my secret is known! They are all secretly my personal bodyguards that must save me from a _bad_ gang that is out to kill me for not selling the drugs as promised!"  
Tom snorted beside him, and classical music drifted to his ears. The girl ignored all that, leaning closer into him and stated,

"No. I know that's not it. They're here to protect you from something though."

Alex laughed nervously, "Yeah, right. And how did you figure all that out?"

The odd-one leaned even further towards him, making Alex lean back even more in his chair.

"I can read your mind."

And Alex done the only thing he could think to do in this situation. He laughed.

Hawk yelled, "Shut the hell up! Girl, stop freaking him out! Eagle stop taking photos of Alex being hit on and you _GOD'S SAKE EAGLE, DON'T PLACE BETS WITH THE CHILDREN!"_

"Awww," Eagle whined, "but I'm _bored_! You're _boring_!"

"I'll tell you when I bloody care what you think of me, Eagle, but just entertain yourself for now, will you?"  
"Fine." Eagle agreed, pouting slightly.

No one saw his eyes light up when he glanced at the piano.

Alex, on the other hand, was shakily trying to regain breath, Tom laughing heavily beside him.

"Shut up. You could have warned me she was a freaking maniac." Alex mumbled, glaring at him as he finally managed to breathe normally.

"You're as red as Miss. Treat's skirt on that trip to that History Museum!"

Alex winced slightly at the mention of that trip (2), the time when Skoda nearly killed him in revenge.

Of course, it wasn't that bad compared to his actual missions, so he didn't bother thinking much about it.

Not that he would've, of course. Eagle had just decided he was a professional pianist.

"Your dumb classical is all 'plinky-plonky, plinky-plonky'!" He stated, banging his hands of the keys, making the sound of an elephant sitting on it.

"You have to be _free _when playing it!" He started to whack his hands of all the keys he could mange at once, encouraged by the students screaming in laughter. It sounded like the elephant passed out on it.

Badger and Hawk, however, were muttering quietly among themselves before coming to an agreement.

Eagle was grinning an ear-to-ear smile, confirming Alex's theory that Eagle got high on sugar easily.

Badger, unnoticed by all students, crept up to him, before, in one swift movement, knocked him unconscious with a swift tap to the neck.

The class screamed in horror. Not that they were horrified of course. They just liked screaming and getting a free class.

Mixing the both together was like Christmas coming early for them.

***

After Music came P.E., and Alex was starting to doubt that the SAS were as smart as they said they were.

And that was saying something.

"You're _sure _you're not doing PE?" Octopus asked hopefully. He had made it clear that he had no idea as to what he was meant to do with Alex.

"_Yes_." He tried again.

"What am I meant to do with you now?"

Alex shrugged, "I dunno. Whatever, I suppose. Each time the teacher does something different."

Octopus' eyes narrowed slightly at this.

"Go in the corner."

"What?" Alex spluttered, looking shocked.

"You heard me. Sit in the corner. Now."

Alex decided to obey, as Octo (as Alex now decided to call him) had that murderous glint in his eye that Jack sometimes got when he done something wrong. It was never followed with anything good.

"Sure thing, Octo." He said, forcing a smile that then became genuine as Octopus took on a look of revulsion.

"Don't call me that!" He ordered to the retreating back of Alex Rider.

He pretended to not of heard.

***

Ten minutes later and everyone had been dragged out of the changing rooms. Shark had been attacked with girls spraying deodorant when he tried to get them to come out. The girls said they hadn't meant for him to go all watery-eyed and gagging. They _always _made the changing-rooms smell nicer.

No one commented.

But now they all stood in a large group in track-suits, chatting among themselves and ignoring the two men in charge.

"Alright everyone!" Shark yelled, gaining everyone's attention, "we'll start with four laps round the hall. MOVE IT!!"

No one "moved it".

"I _said _move it!" He tried again.

"You're not serious? It's cold in here! We don't want to run round a poxy hall!" A lad yelled out.

"I don't care what you want-"

"We do!" A girl butted in, looking annoyed.

Octopus walked over to Alex then, and hissed to the cross-legged boy, "What the hell is going on?"

Alex snorted, "you don't actually think they'll run round in circles? Give them a ball for them to play footy with."

Shark appeared beside Octopus and growled, "I'll give them a bloody ball, one of the girls whacked me across the head! Said I wasn't 'fit' –whatever she meant by that- and for me to bugger off!"

"What did you say to her?" Octopus asked, looking worried.

"That if she doesn't watch what she says I'll give her detention for the rest of her miserable life."

Shark looked slightly proud with what he came up with, and Alex didn't have the heart that not only that he couldn't give her detention for the rest of her life but also that all the teachers used that.

Oh bugger that, Alex thought, best warn him.

"You do know that all teachers use that? We all know you can't put us into detention for more than a year."  
"I never said she would die of natural causes, did I?"

"_Shark_," Octopus sighed, "you know you can't threaten the kids! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Shark ignored him, and continued, "Why don't we all play a nice game of 'Dodge ball'?"

The rather innocent game had started rather innocently, with the SAS men throwing balls at everyone all at a sudden and yelling "DODGE BALL!!"

But the kids weren't in the mood to run around, screaming bloody murder, and getting hit repeatedly by the soft-looking balls.

They wanted to fight back. And these kids have played enough online war games to know how to. And Tom had also ran over to Alex to ask what to do, but we'll ignore that.

Soon enough, Shark and Octopus were in the centre of a group of teens throwing whatever they had found in the changing-rooms and a couple of the red balls, the girls were also busying themselves with making the hall "smell better". Octopus was screaming at an enraged Shark 'to not kill anyone! For the love of God _don't_ murder anyone!'

At long last the bell rang, and the kids ran off to leave the men to pick up whatever was left of their pride. Alex was making his way to the door, but was stopped by a pissed off looking Octopus.

"Hi Octo!" He grinned cheerfully, "Good game, huh?"

Octopus growled, "I saw you tell that boy to attack us. _And _I saw you get the ammo from the changing-rooms. You're a right little-!"

"I don't see proof of me doing all that! Bye now, Octo!"

Alex sprinted from the hall, laughing as Octopus screamed, "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

* * *

Nasal music (at least I think it was called that :P) is Irish music which we were forced to listen to last year :shudders: it's AWFUL. Everyone reacted just liked I mention above, and, for some reason, the teacher was shocked at our reaction.

(2) A short story written by Anthony Horowitz for "The Funday Times". There's a link in my profile to it, along with the other one-shot Horowitz's written ;D

Irish-hailsy would like to give her apologies for not helping to reply to reviews. She's currently failing maths, and is spending all her time playing guitar instead. And she would also like to thanks everybody on the band's name =] =] It's going to be Bottled Epicness, after a long debate with the members :D :D

Also, does anyone know when Alex's birthday is? Is it even mentioned?


	4. Smoking in the boy's bathroom

Disclaimer: I don't own this. Ever

Sorry I haven't submitted in AGES, my computer died, and then we bought a new one, but then Microsoft Word won't work D: So now I'm using Word Processor, which is so alien to me :P

Also sorry for this chapter being short, really wanted to post. As always, please ignore the typos or, if they're really annoying you, PM irish-hailsy to complain. After all, she's always complaining about no one PMing her, and she was meant to edit this before I posted :DDD

* * *

It was cold Wednesday morning, and both 'teacher' and student alike were united in tiredness, all wandering into class at random times. For example, Tom came in ten minutes before class ended. Owl and Ferret didn't come in at all for Maths.

But they went to English in a better mood, and Fox and Snake were both waiting with eagerness, for some weird reason.

"Alex!" Fox called out as said boy sat down beside Tom, "come to the staffroom at lunch, okay?"  
The traditional chorus of "ooooohh", someone's in trouble!', 'dead man walking' and the occasional wolf whistle filled the classroom, but Alex managed to ignore them, nodding and sitting down.

"Hey Fox!!" A girl who had tragically overdosed on mascara and now had spiders for eyelashes, cried out, "Are you rreeaallyy single?"

There was a burst of girlish laughter and blushing, then a lad cried out, in an angry manner;

"Oi! I thought we were going out! We were together! FOR EVER!"

This earned a couple of "awww's", but the girl giggled,

"Fox's way fitter! We're over if he's single!"

"He's single! Oh GOD he's single!!" Snake cried in laughter, ducking one of Fox's fists.

"I'm not single! " Fox tried to correct desperately. The damage was already done though.

"Yeaah, you're _so _dating someone." Snake rolled his eyes.

"Errr, well, you see..." Fox trailed off frantically, trying to think of a more logical excuse than 'my mother tells me not to'.

Alex felt slightly sorry for him. Slightly.

"I'M GAY!!" Fox cried, looking happy at his good thinking, "THAT'S RIGHT, I'M GAY!"

There was silence for about three seconds before every girl was squealing in delight. This was soon followed by; "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMY_GOD_" and "WELOVEYOUGAYFOX!WE'LLPROTECTYOUFROMTHEHOMOPHOBES!" (1)

It was, to say the least, the funniest thing Alex had ever experienced, and was doubled over in laughter, tears in his eyes.

Fox was looking desperately around him trying to decide whether or not to claim Snake to be his long term partner.

"HEY!" Crazy girl yelled (Alex still had to learn her name), "THE ROOF'S LEAKING!"  
And it was. From the lights came a steady trickling of water, growing more and more as they watched.

"Oh _SHIIIIIIIIIIT." _Fox roared, looking like all he wanted was to be curled up in bed right then, with the telly on and a cup of tea.

Snake looked like he wanted a fag. _Now._

Then everyone got out of their seats, filming the water on their phones while running around the room with no other reason than because they could.

Alex was too busy laughing, watching with joy as the fifth huge bin filled up with dirty water.

***

It was break time, and Alex and Tom were standing outside the school, watching a group of kids discovering two trolleys from an alleyway. It was very exciting for the teens, as they decided to race them, the two saying who reached the entrance into the school first would win a half-eaten Galaxy bar.

"On the count of three!" Tom yelled, Alex filming it with his phone, "One, two...THREE!"  
The trolleys, with 'drivers' sitting in them, were shoved forward be the two teams, and a chorus of cheering from a crowd of people filled the chilly air. Some were hanging from the windows above, cheering with delight.

A girl called Hannah reached the door, and rammed into it.

And kept going down the corridor.

She was screaming maniacally at everyone to get out of the way, who shot her evil glares as they did so. The only SAS man present at this was Snake, who was busy sneaking into the boys' bathroom.

He walked right into the group of lads smoking, and everyone froze. This didn't last long, though, as he barked at them,

"Give me one of them, will you?"

A nervous brown haired lad offered him the one he was smoking, which Snake grabbed and sucked the sweet nicotine out off, leaning against the sink with a sigh.

Everyone relaxed and started to talk again, sometimes including Snake in the conversation.

He was marked as one of the 'cool teachers' now. At long last, he was cool.

***

Back in the staffroom, no one noticed Snake's brief disappearance, instead paying more attention to the game on the telly.

Alex had left straight after the race (Hannah's team won, strictly speaking) and was talking to K-Unit about the usual boring stuff, like the latest guns and so on. Wolf perked up, though, and spotted Fox on a rather new looking laptop.

"Hey, Fox. Is that a new laptop?"  
Fox grunted in reply, blushing and ducking his head.

"Oh God, it is, isn't it? What happened to your last one?" Wolf groaned.

"Train." Fox mumbled, saying nothing more, but was saved from ridicule by Eagle, who asked, (2)

"Where'd Snake go?"

"Bathroom," Alex replied, "saw him on my way down here, I think he's craving a fag."

"Haha!! Eagle, you so owe me a tenner!" Wolf laughed, holding his hand out. Eagle huffed in frustration, but gave him the money. Money he dearly needed if he was to pay for the light bulb that blew in his flat that morning.

***

They were sitting in music, SAS men calling the register, when the intercom came on with a sound of drowning, followed by a string of colourful swear words run together to make an either ruder phrase, a crackling sound, a xylophone being played, more crackling and another four dings of C.

"Eh-hem, could Ferret please come to the head's office, I repeat, could Ferret come to the head's office. That is all." A different voice said louder over the other's cursing, then turned off.

Everyone laughed, then sat there in silence as they waited for another, predictable message.

The drowning instrument made it's tune again, followed by some fangirls of Ferret crying,

"DON'T HURT OUR FERRET! WE'LL DO ANYTHING, JUST DON'T HURT OUR FERRET!!!"

A brief silence was held, before it was swamped with hysterical laughter.

"Alright, everyone," Badger called, "since we have no idea what to do, this'll be a free class for you all. Take out some homework, STAT!"

A brief shuffle of books, slight whispering, and then several loud conversations. Some about various fan groups of various SAS men, others about what 'stat' actually meant, and precious few about homework.

Tom and Alex were part of the 'precious few', taking out their German. They had been given a 'fill the blanks' worksheet, with the words at the end. They worked in silence, drowning out everyone else, until Tom asked in a confused tone;

"I've gotten two words left, so what sounds better? Fenster closed, or Fenster opened? I mean, how can Fenster even bloody close or open? What is this? Some great German secret I've yet to be told?!"  
Alex raised an eyebrow, before slowly saying,

"Tom?"  
"Yes?"  
"Fenster means window."  
"Oh. That makes more sense now."  
"I should hope so."

* * *

(1) I know the chances of the teens all being accepting to his 'gayness', but for the sake of the story I've decided they would :P

(2) All British people should get this joke, I'm not sure if others would, though. Comment if you want to know, or google it. Google is always good.

Sorry for not repying to comments DDD: I'll try harder this time, I promise. :P

Afternote: (irish-hailsy). Ahem. Yes. This has taken way too long to write. I take absolute credit for the bins (ah, good times). The German Fenster yoke (Oddly sane is totally useless. That was our conversation. For once I was smart). The trolleys (but we crashed into a staircase and toppled out, and also smashed into the doors).

Oh, and the intercom thing? That happens in our school. An awful lot. Including that irritating Ding-Ding-DING! I swear, one day I'm gonna cut the wires. Still, last years some teacher was on it for 30 minutes speaking in Irish. He had this weird accent, so no words made sense.

But as always. Any stories are much appreciated, and it would help greatly if you would PM them to me, rather than leaving it in comments :D Comments is good, but for safekeeping and stuff :D Also…I never get PM's :(


	5. SPHE and a visit to Narnia

Chapter Five

I'm planning on making this a slash, probably Fox/Snake. Because they're cute :D I might change my mind (again) though, so if there's any pairing you like, please tell me!

Irish-hailsy: Nothing M rated mind you. Just a background pairing.

On another note, sorry this was updated sooner, been suffering from writer's block mixed with a healthy dash of laziness T__T....Then the new season of Torchwood came out D: Who watched it? Was brilliant right up to the end of episode four, then it went completely and utterly crap. One thing is for sure, I won't be getting that season.

I am completly and utterly in love with torchwood fanon, meaning my fanfiction is suffering from it D:

As requested by irish-hailsy, some shameless advertising to some roleplayers of Ianto and Jack. The links can be found on my profile page, if anyone is interested :P

A/N I'm not too sure whether it's called the same worldwide, but SPHE is Social Physical Health Education :P

* * *

It was Thursday already, and Alex couldn't help but be surprised as to how fast the days were going. He also couldn't help but start getting a nagging sense in the back of his mind about SCORPIA though.

As fun as this was, he knew SCORPIA loved crashing parties. And not just drunkenly crash them and try to steal some drugs. Oh no, Scorpia went the whole damned way. Bloody nightmare, they were.

But, thankfully, the first class of the day was the best yet.

SPHE.

The class was filled with rumours flying from student to student, SPHE was the only subject which didn't have a fixed teacher, Fox had told him yesterday it was picked by drawing straws each day between the ones who had free slots for the said class.

Since the teenagers of today loved knowing things before everyone else (especially Alex), they had so far worked out the possible ones today.

Alex nearly choked on his air when he heard Wolf's name mentioned, eyes wide.

He instantly betted ten pounds on Wolf with Tom, grinning. He so hoped Wolf would be teaching it today. After all, if anyone deserved to teach teenagers on the woes of growing up, it was definitely Wolf. And if he didn't teach it, well, Alex was down on lunch money.

The five-to bell rang, and everyone neared their seats, waiting for the door to open before actually sitting.

The bell rang, and everyone started to talk even more. Alex didn't know what they were talking about, but it might be about something interesting to your "average teen". Whatever the hell that was.

Since he was most definitely not your "average teen", he didn't listen to the chatter surrounding him about the match last night, that first year who had tripped down the stairs for the eighth time this month and how hot the SAS guys are, to name but a few of the many conversations.

"Alright class! Settle down now!" A voice ordered loudly as the classroom door opened, and everyone scrambled for their seats, hoping that they had won the bet between friends.

And Alex found out what his most favourite class was this week.

"Okay, I'm Heron, and this is Wolf, we'll be teaching you SPHE for the foreseeable future," informed a largely built man with a face the same colour as the bright red door to the said classroom. Wolf wasn't much better off, but instead of blushing, he was hunched in the corner and refusing to look up.

Everyone started exchanging money with bright grins or sour expressions.

"Hah, you should know better than to bet against a spy," Alex smirked as he snatched a crumpled ten pound note from Tom's hand.

"ALRIGHT! EVERYONE! SETTLE DOWN!" Heron had mastered the act of yelling, but not the act of frightening, it seemed, as everyone ignored him.

"SHUT UP. NOW." Wolf ordered, eyes glaring and face twisted into hate.

The pupils decided to shut up then.

Heron coughed awkwardly, "right, okay, erm, well, Wolf?" He ended with a pleading note.

Wolf sighed, "do we have to do this?"  
"If we don't, Lizard said he would lock us in a cupboard until the "threat" is contained," Heron reminded.

Alex smirked, this was going to be _fun_.

Fifteen minutes later, and Heron was starting to realise that asking if the class had any questions was a very bad idea. He was so red that Alex was starting to worry slightly about his health, and Wolf had already disappeared for a short while, returning with a disgruntled look.

'Siiiirrr, my friend,' this was followed by explicit pointing to said friend, 'claims that they're pregnant with you? Is that true?'

'You're pointing to a male...' Heron trailed off.

'Is it true what they say about Herons?'

'What do they say about Herons?' asked Heron, innocently curious.

'Pretty much what they say about rabbits,' a girl in the back snorted.

'Oi, Heron?? Would you ever do it with one of us?' Tom roared.

Heron frowned, looking insulted, upset and still unbelievably confused before shaking his head rapidly.

Alex started laughing at his friend's honest question. Tom didn't do subtle.

'What about Wolf? You know what they say about the SAS...' Tom trailed off, smirking and raising an eyebrow.

"THAT'S IT. I GIVE UP!" Wolf roared, storming out of the classroom. Heron followed quickly, head ducked.

* * *  
It was break time, and Alex was sitting in the English room with Adam and a few others. English was their next class, and Tom and he couldn't be bothered going anywhere else.

Alex was going to miss school on missions, as bizarre as that might sound to other students, this casual laziness wouldn't, couldn't, get you killed, caught, tortured or other various things that Alex couldn't name right then. Well, unless you fell asleep in class...then death was apparently a possibility of punishment.

"We're off to Narnia!" A girl proclaimed, climbing into one of the cupboards at the back of the room. Crazy Brown Haired girl was already inside, grinning madly. The door swung shut, followed by muffled yells for 'Aslan' and 'The Witch'.

Tom told him that they had watched "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" in religion last month, and they had yet to get bored of climbing into random cupboards.

"Quick! Block the door!" A boy yelled, dragging a chair over and jamming it under the doorknob of the said cupboard.

The girls were oblivious to what was happening outside, still crying out for the talking Lion. Crazy Brown Haired Girl had seemed to get confused between Aslan the Lion and Aslan the band, and given up all hope of names.

Then Fox walked in with Snake.

"Sir! Sir!" Someone (David. Alex was sure his name was David. Or Dave. Or Max. Or Harry. Or Merlin. Something like that), "Lisa and Charlie found Narnia!"

Snake rolled his eyes, "of course they did, lad. Why don't you let them out so they can tell us how 'Narnia' is."

"But sir!" Another proclaimed, look of shock masking his face, "they have to fight the Witch before they can come back!"  
"And they have to find the Pedo with goats legs!" Another informed, all looking deadly serious.

Fox sighed, "Fine, fine, they can stay in there until whenever. Everyone else, sit down, the bell's gonna go soon."

The bell rang right after he said that, and so everyone sat down, David/Dave/Max/Harry/Merlin dragging the chair from the handle to sit on.

Everyone trickled in, and five minutes later the class started. So far, English seemed to be the only class that was actually competent in teaching. The next was Science, mainly chemistry. Three guesses as to why chemistry was the next 'educational' class.

Turns out chemistry is the only science that had no reference to either maths or reproduction systems. And it could be easily divided into making drugs and exploding things.

Room 30 still smelt of smoke from Monday.

"Okay, everyone, today we're going to talk about the book 'Twilight' and 'CHERUB', as those were the books you were _meant _to be reading." Snake ordered with a sigh.

Everyone groaned. Well, nearly the whole male population (barring Alex and Tom respectively), as they had all chose Twilight for the 'gruesome bloody fights' and whatnot. The collective whinging was to be expected.

"Sir, can I change my book?" One whined, waving it in the air. Alex was rather sure that Bella had a moustache, and Edward a monocle. He was also quite sure they weren't meant to.

"Yeah, yeah." Snake sighed, waving his hand in the direction of the books. It wasn't until then that Alex noticed bags under Snake's eyes, face pale and looking downright tired.

Fox seemed to have noticed as well, handing the man a cup of coffee he had brought in earlier.

A few quiet "awwws" whispered through the classroom, but the two seemed to not have noticed.

Ten minutes later and they were discussing the pros and cons of the book "Twilight", the cons list having noticeably more points than the pro, as that was mainly made up of how hot, amazing, shiny, sparkly, rich, handsome, hot, charming, perfect, polite, hot, musical, mannerly, hot, tall, gentlemanly (which Alex doubted was even a word) Edward was and variations thereupon. Alex couldn't help but see that if a man like this existed he would be classed as 'ghey'. And the last time he checked, gingers were out this season. On voicing this doubt, he was informed by numerous screeching voices that his hair was bronze, not ginger.

"NARNIA WAS BRILLIANT!" A shrill voice announced, the two girls falling out of the cupboard and onto the floor, emitting high pitched laughter.

"Isn't that fantastic, sit down now." Snake ordered, rubbing his forehead with a frown.

Fox drew a packet of aspirin from the draws of the desk, handing them over.

Snake nodded his thanks, popping two out and swallowed them with the coffee.

"Snake's boring today." One of the two huffed, standing up, "but there was this thing in the cupboard, and we thought you might want to know."

Fox raised an eyebrow, "Was it a book? Books are kept in there quite often. Or a spider even...what is with spiders and cupboards? Maybe they're all vampires...PROPER VAMPIRES! Not that Edward Cullen crap,' he quickly corrected himself as he began to notice a girl giggling.

"Nooo," the other whined, "we think someone was trying to spy on Narnia, and we thought you might want to help. Well, the big-talking-Lion-y-cat-furry thing thought so." They giggled.

The two SAS men ran straight to the doorway of it, though. After all, the chances were was that it was SCORPIA, and that was bad.

It also meant they could do something now, instead of just teaching.

"What did you say it was?" Fox yelled out, looking round the small cupboard.

"A camera, near the back of the room." One giggled.

Snake and Fox exchanged a look, before nodding and walking in.

And they then turned around to the sound of the door locking behind them.

"DAMNIT!" Fox roared, "I'M GONNA KILL THOSE KIDS!"

"By yelling? Let's check for the camera first, then we can call in Wolf to kill them. And let us out." Snake replied, rubbing his head.

Fox sent him an apologetic look for yelling, walking to the back. He started swearing loudly.

"What? What is it?" Snake ordered, hurrying over.

"This," Fox waved a sheet of paper in his face, "is the so called 'camera'!"

Snake snatched it from his hand, and looked at the crumpled sheet.

It was a picture of a camera and a smiley face, with 'Smile! You're on camera!' scribbled underneath.

And Snake thought this day couldn't get any worst.

But still, maybe being stuck in a cupboard with Fox wasn't so bad...

* * *

It was ten minutes later, with Fox and Snake stilled locked in. The students couldn't manage to open it, and were debating on calling a teacher from next door in or not.

They were all saved from calling in Boar (they call him a man. Honestly though, his last body hadn't been able to cope with all that rage and had spilt of to form its own being. Needless to say, this being was rage, pure rage. At least, that was the most popular theory) by what could be described as the lesser of two evils.

Wolf.

"Fox!" He yelled, walking into the room, "need a bit of help!"

He stopped yelling, and moving, when he saw a distinct lack of Fox and Snake and the whole class huddled round the door to the cupboard.

"Where's Fox?" Wolf growled softly.

They all pointed to the door as one.

"The lock's jammed." One informed.

Wolf rolled his eyes and walked over to them, banging on the door, "Fox? Snake? You in there?"

"Yeah." Came a meek reply from one of the two men.

He sighed, "do you have guns?"

A few snorted at the word 'guns'.

"Maybe..." Snake replied

"Why didn't you blow the lock off?"

'There are kids Wolf.'

'Yes, yes there are. Where are you going with this?'

No reply.

He sighed, again, and pulled his out of the holster, hidden under his shirt, and flicked the safety off.

"Stand back." He ordered. And fired.

The door creaked open and Wolf aimed again. At their heads.

"You," he started, "are the worst SAS men I've ever met."

"Hey," Fox protested weakly, "what about Eagle?"

"Except for Eagle. But Eagle's an exception, you can't mock him. It's like making fun of the 'slow kid'."

Needless to say, they all got detention that lunch time. Including Fox and Snake, who whined about how unfair that was.

* * *

A note from the co-writer, **irish-hailsy**

The train thing in the last chapter? Yeah, my idea, I'm guilty. I assumed most people would get it, but no one did. It was story from, gawd, a few years back now I think about it. A few eejits left laptops on the train. Not just any eejits, but MI5/6 eejits, and said laptops were full of very important things like details on the war in Iraq etc.


	6. To make an Octopus and Nederlandland

We are sorry. Really, we are. We are awful. It took God knows how long to update, and anyone who is still reading this are so bloody amazing words can't explain it.

We actually an excuse though. You see, we have the Junior Cert this year. This a really boring, pointless, but still pressurising state examination for Irish kids. I, the main writer, lost my inspiration for writing this, much rather imagining killing my teachers.

Slowly.

So, while another update will not be coming at all until July at the earliest, we will be back as soon as we've finished failing our Junior Cert. Joy.

But for now, we offer a not very good, slightly shorter than normal update.

Irish-hailsy : I also have medical excuses. Can't argue with medical excuses. These are boring and mysterious but they involve lots of hospital time and doctor time and needles and all that jazz, so time has been cut short

* * *

After the rather eventful English class, they plodded off to Art. Tom was bragging about his "amazing" art skills and how his stick figures looked very realistic. A group of kids behind them were whinging about something or other.

Probably their hair. The one nearest Tom had reason too. Extensions so rarely looked good.

They managed to arrive at the large room cluttered with various bits and bobs. It was permantly in a mess anyways, but at least the previous teacher had attempted to clean it up. Now there were hand prints on the ceiling. Alex stared up at them in wonder. It was an incredibly high vaulted ceiling. Kudos to them for managing to reach it.

Alex decided not to ask, instead choosing to pick a table with Tom and a few others, all squeezed together, dare some of them would have to sit at the table beside theirs. The rest of the rather small class claimed some of the others, laughing and generally making as much noise as they could, just because they were able to.

At the head of the room were two of the SAS men, which Alex recognised as Squirrel and Eagle. Wait, hang on.

"Eagle! I thought you taught Home Ec?"

Squirrel glowered mockingly over at Eagle, "He got thrown out for eating everything the kids made. Made a couple of the firsties cry and all!"

"SCORPIA _could _have poisoned them when no one was looking," Eagle pouted, looking annoyed at the fact was demoted to art class. You couldn't eat anything in art. Not even the glue, unless you had a digestive system much like Tom's.

"Now, today we are going to just explore our creative side," Squirrel explained, as if it wasn't obvious that was what one tended to do in art class, "by the end of this class I want everyone to have least attempted to make a 3D piece of art. No killing each other, now bugger off."

"And he was doing so well acting as an artist," sighed Tom, shaking his head sadly before immediately perking up, "so, what're you gonna make?"

Alex shrugged, "haven't a slightest, you?"

"Octopus! Octopii are so cool!" Tom grinned, several other people of their group nodding their heads.

'It's octupuses actually,' Alex corrected much to Tom's annoyance.

'Yeah? And where did you stumble across that gem of info?'

'QI.'

Tom didn't reply. He couldn't. No argued with Stephen Fry and his team of elves.

"I wanna make a dragon, or a dinosaur. They're awesome." A girl sighed. Actually, it was scary brown haired girl. Alex swivled round to see if anyone else noticed that she had just appeared out of nowhere. They didn't. He went back to drawing on the desk (trying to find "inspiration" when Squirrel asked what he was doing with a suspicious look on his face).

Tom disappeared, returning with a large block of clay and some wood. And also several craft blades. Because they were cool, according to him.

Alex done the same, minus the craft blade, and began molding it into a 'circle'. If you could even call it a circle. It was more of a squashed-caterpillar shape. It wasn't Alex's fault; he'd been missing when they'd taught shapes.

It also wasn't Alex's fault that the conversation behind him was interesting. And it was also loud, so it wasn't his fault that he was eavesdropping...perhaps it was MI6's fault however.

"Jesus, these SAS guys are so crap. I mean, we have a _state examination _at the end of this year! You should've heard my mum going on about how we're gonna fail 'cause of them. I've got to get grinds already, just because I don't get as much homework anymore!" A girl hissed angrily.

"Oh come _on,_" Another girl sighed, "they said they would be here two weeks max. If you fail your exams it will be because you can't bloody study properly. It's nice to get a bit of time of relaxation! About the half the year were tearing their hair out 'cause of the teachers rambling on about how the tests are the be all and end all! Jesus!"

"I will _not _fail because I'm stupid, I'll fail 'cause we couldn't finish the course! I mean, these idiots will probably take _months_ catching who ever they're looking for!"

Alex tuned out then, realising it was a rather boring arguement. He liked the SAS guys here, they were more fun. They made it easier for him to pretend to be normal in a really, _really_ odd way.

As he focused on making his ball perfectly 'spherical' and Tom focused on making his octopus wield a craft blade, he distinctly heard the agruement end with the old classic of "your mum" being whispered. Another argument won then.

"Look, I've already called the Batmobile! You can't have it no matter how many genies you claim, deal with it!" A guy (David was his name. Definitly. He used to cheat off Alex in maths. At least, it was David or Dave. Remembering names, Alex realised, was never his strong point. It was probably a Dave. Everyone knew a Dave and this was the only 'Perhaps-Dave' Alex could currently name).

"Wait, what?" Alex asked as he was pulled out of his intense concentration.

"They," Tom nodded to Dave and Annie (how he remembers her name, Alex will never know), "decided to create a country called Nederlandland, make them have a civil war and then split the universe between them."

"Oh. Okay then." Alex agreed. After all, it was perfectly normal to create an imaginary country and then split the universe between the rulers. Especially at the age of 15.

"So, Alex, whose side are you on?" Annie asked, eager for the answer.

"I'm on hers. She has gravity and zombies." Tom informed.

"Well I have the Daleks and the Gallifrey!" Dave remarked.

"I've got the bloody Time Lords _and_ Gallifreyans! And karma! Oh, I call the Master!" Charlie hopped up and down.

"I've got Death and the Batmobile! And your boyfriend, in case you forgot!" He said smugly.

Annie created a face of utmost horror, "You bast-!" She screamed, but was rudely cut of by Eagle who had decided to hop over to them.

"Watchya talking 'bout then?" He queired, hopeful expression on his face.

"Dave stole my boyfriend. And he wont give me the Batmobile."  
"I've also got Hannible Lector." Dave insinuated, grin on his face.

"You tosser!"

While the two of them started screaming what they would do to each other's families, the rest of the group explained what was going on.

"So who gets the Death Star?" He asked

"ME! I DO! I DO!" Charlied roared, jumping up and down with her hand in the air.

"I CALL WEAPONRY." Dave roared back.

"I CALL PORN." Annie announced with a smug grin, arms folded at her awesomeness. All the guys (and a couple girls) announced they were on her side.

Dave glared at her, "well I call prostitutes. We can make our own damn porn."

A few people returned to his side.

"Wait, does that include Amy Pond in Doctor Who?" Insisted Tom.

"Hell yeah, she's a prossie."

Eagle decided to wander off to annoy another group of 'artists' at this point, whistling the Doctor Who theme tune.

"Did anyone watch Doctor Who Saturday?" Some one else piqued up, carefully sculpting what looked like a Dalek.

"God yes, what you think 'bout the power ranger daleks?" Charlie replied, rolling her eyes.

"I thought they looked more like they were gay right supporters, to be honest. Looked like the bloody gay club flag," Dave returned.

"Did you see the third crack at the end though? I wonder what the hell that was all about!" Tom cried.

"Wait, third crack? What were the other two then?"

"Well, there was the first crack in the first episode, then there was Amy's crack."

There was a chorus of laughter and "ewwwwwwwwwwws" in reply.

Alex snorted, still focused on his sphere, now the size of a football and still nowhere near spherical. Thank God the SAS had about a dozen more bags of the clay for the rest of the week.

* * *

By the first bell about half of them had gotten the paints and a hairdryer (that kept giving off sparks) out. No one seemed too arsed about how they turned out (apart from Tom and his rather realistic octopus, if you ignored the evil grin and knife welding part of it).

After a shoddy attempt of drying them so they could be painted on, they all grabbed one of the hardened paint brushes, stiffened from years of neglect after having their heads stuck into PVA glue.

Alex, who was rather proud of his sphere, decided to paint it as the world. Then, when he realised he accidently forgot Africa, decided not to try too hard on it. Then he paint Europe twice the size of America. When questioned by Annie on this small detail, and shape, it was now a concept-piece on the corruption of colonisation dating back to the 1300's.

Squirrel decided to be in art teacher mode again, and wandered round the room, commenting on their 'works of art'. Eagle was too busy trying to sculpt God knows what, but looked like something that should not be in the presence of young girls.

"Tom, that is a very good squid!" He praised. Tom glared back.

"It is an octopus sir. It is a very good _octopus." _

"Yeah, right. Of course."

He turned round to crazy haired girl.

"That's a great, erm...actually, is that what I think it is?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

In front of her was what could vaguely represent, if you turned your head to the side and squinted, as two men. Wearing hardly any clothes. We say hardly. They were stark naked.

They looked like they were enjoying themselves.

"Should you be making stuff like that at your age?"

"Yes. It's necessary for my emotional maturation."

"Right, okay. Yeah... uh, I'm gonna go now."

He walked away, trying to retain his sanity.

Every one was quiet for a second.

"I call oxygen," claimed Annie.

* * *

By the time Art ended everyone had pretty much given up on their 'works of art', except for Tom and a few art students.

Several people had already asked Alex if they could use his globe as football. Alex decided to keep it safe, only allowing the girls who wanted to pretend to be pregnant play with it after it'll be dry.

And, of course, it was lunch time.

For the English students from earlier, it also meant detention. Joy.

They wandered into the 'Library' (a room with a few shelves of books and commonly used as a spare class room for various reasons. The books were, strangely, in languages that Alex doesn't think were ever taught. Since when had Welsh been on the agenda for a London school? )

Fox and Snake were sitting at back already, strangely close, grumbling about how unfair it all was.

Everyone settled down, all attempting to grab a chair _and _a table, which was a rare finding the Library. For some unknown reason, the desks were always piled at the front and the seats the back.

It took about fifteen minutes before the men in charge remembered they were meant to man the detention at lunch time, and thus promptly arrived.

Sadly, it was Boar and Octopus.

"'It's about time you bloody came!" Snake growled, leaning back in the chair and dying for a smoke of nicotine goodness.

"Well at least I won't get detention for it!" Boar chortled. His smile would have made children cry, and has made most of the firsties whimper. Not that the latter was hard to do, Alex had heard a rumour that one girl burst into spontaneous tears after walking into an older student. That said the said older student had yelled, without any obvious reason 'FIRE UP THE QUATTRO' to his mate.

Snake responded with a rather rude hand gesture, which Boar (fortunately) didn't see.

"OCTOPUS!" Tom cried, "I MADE YOU IN ART. IT'S REALLY, REALLY COOL, LOOKS LIKE YOU AND ALL!"

Everyone laughed, even though only about five of them got it, but everyone knows the age-old rule that 'If you don't get the joke, laugh regardless and pray to God no one realises'.

Octopus raised an eyebrow, "right, of course you did. Now, shut up."

Tom pouted.

They all just sat there, talking quietly and having fun chucking balls of paper at them when they weren't looking.

It was made more difficult when crazy haired girl threw a small paperback Spanish dictionary at Boar. He may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but realised that when he's assaulted by a dictionary that something was up.

Luckily, for Octopus, everyone was focused on Boar.

"Oi, Snake!" Octopus yelled, "put that phone away!"

Snake glared, "I'm not a bloody student, so piss off."

Fox just rolled his eyes and went back to reading his book.

It looked suspiciously like 'New Moon'.

"Yeah, well I'm stronger than you, so put it away!"  
"Oh yeah? Come and get it then! We'll see who's stronger!"

Just as Octopus started to march over, a girl cried.

"You can't! You can't do that!"

"Yeah!" Another supplied, " You might end up killing Snake and then Fox will fall into a pit of despair and hatred before eventually killing himself. You'll burn in a very special place in hell. "

Alex knew without even turning around it was the Crazy Girl that had been appearing out of nowhere for God knows how long now.

Fox choked on air, "wait, you think we're a couple?"  
"Oh come _on,_" she rolled her eyes, "_everyone _knows you guys _so _have the hots for each other. I mean, what were you guys doing in the cupboard?"

Snake went beetroot red while Fox hastily explained, "we were trying to get out without anyone getting hurt! Seriously!"

He looked to Octopus for help, Boar being busy reading a magazine that _really _didn't look suitable for kids.

Octopus just laughed, and left the room.

After about five minutes of Fox and Snake insisting they were straight, the bell went.

* * *

So, does anyone like the pairing Snake/Fox? It will be in the story anyways, because we love them ( ^__^ ), but I was wondering if anyone else did.

Irish-Hailsy – If you are upset with the quality of this story, rest assured, so am I. But you can't hit a crip so go yell at OddlySane for it :D It is incredibly short, yes we know, but quite frankly this has been squished in in the space of about 1 night.


End file.
